i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
