The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize