dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
