so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
