I met the friendliest cop last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
