a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
