i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The adults are the big ones right?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
