If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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