There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
