Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
