fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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