No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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