So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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