somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
