if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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