Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she smelled like a LAN party
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
