I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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