Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
