carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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