I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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