just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
