so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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