did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
