as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
