to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so let's talk penis.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
