By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
