Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
