The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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