i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
