I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
