p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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