Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
