The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
