I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
