Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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