I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My first STD was from a foam party
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
