I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
