I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize