get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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