My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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