I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
