It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize