I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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