ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
