I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
