I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
