She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
