My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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