just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
