Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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