For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
