my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
