JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
