OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
