Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize