Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
