Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
