Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
