I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
