And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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