i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
