They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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