i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He shit in the fireplace
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
