Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
