I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize