glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
