I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
