3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
