So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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