I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
