so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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