all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
