Im at strip club and am horny
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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