i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize