Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
