I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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