If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
