I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize