Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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