Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
