it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
