Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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