we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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