its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
