Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
