Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
