My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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