never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize