last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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