You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize