dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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