Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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