fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
