Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
