Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
