and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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