so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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