after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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