I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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