i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
