If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
