I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
