Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
