I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
