hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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